Seattle August 06,2015
We are a few days from launching Raven’s Dance and me into what I am calling “my last grand adventure”. It’s that crazy time of preparation when the shorter the time the longer the to-do lis. And you live in fear of the overlooked essential item.
Everyone is asking “aren’t you exciting about leaving? I cringe when I hear the question coming. My public answer is yes, and I make the effort to alert my face accordingly, but my private answer is no. Externally I am about to live the dream, but internally I only feel the struggle of preparation, and fears of forgetting something important, instead of the breathtaking anticipation of casting off that I had expected. So here I am on the one hand with the realization that I will never pass this way again, and the realization that I am on the cusp of a great moment in my life, and the realization that I am supposed to be living my dream.
I can almost muster a laugh at the absurdity that I have orchestrated this moment; it is what I said I want; and here I am living inside my own dream. Yet instead of feeling the thrill of victory, I feel the agony of defeat. I’m tired, overwhelmed with tasks undone, stressed, and just plain disoriented. Watch out: there is truth in the irony:
“when the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers”.
Take heart my friends in a funk: tomorrow is a new day. These feelings are as ephemeral as clouds, and will blow away as easily.
It is morning now as I write about yesterday, and I am in recovery. It begins with writing and a cup of fresh brewed coffee beside me. I am lounging in Raven’s Dance’s saloon, and listening to a music CD. The sun is streaming into the saloon bringing light and warmth. It is a glorious day and life is good.
This morning Jerry and I cast off from Des Moines Marina with a modest goal to get to Port Orchard. The weather is perfect,… just the script you would write if you had the power to make today’s weather. Our trip is easy, and effortless, and all the boat’s systems… autopilot water, fuel, ,engine, etc…. all worked flawlessly. The weather does not make the day, but your feelings about it do.